There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
