i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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