I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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