Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
