I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
