Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
