I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
