Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
