If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
