my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
