i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
