dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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