so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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