he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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