I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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