I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
