I love black thongs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
