I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
