Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
