All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
