So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
