I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
