Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
