Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
