apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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