so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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