Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
