just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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