What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
