That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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