oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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