I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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