I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
