I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
