It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
