Whod you bang
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
