I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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