I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
