we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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