It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
