Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
