hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
