She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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