i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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