I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
