she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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