It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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