He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
