Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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