Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
