I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
