guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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