I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
