can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
